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Why do men need Insurance?

Bima Jokes

Three guys are fishing in the Caribbean. One guy says, "I had a terrible fire; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here."

The second guy says, "I had a terrible explosion; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here."

The third guy says, "What a coincidence. I had a terrible flood; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here."

The other guys turned to him with confusion and asked, "Flood? How do you start a flood?"

Life insurance agent to would-be client: "Don't let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know."

"You ought to feel highly honored," said the businessman to the life insurance agent, "so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents."
"Yes, I know," replied the agent, "I'm them."

• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

• The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.

• I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.

• Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

• The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

• As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

• The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.

• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.

• I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it.

• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

• The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.

• I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

How many insurance agents does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on whether the light bulb burned alone or with the whole house.

An actuary, an underwriter, and an insurance salesperson are riding in a car. The salesperson has his foot on the gas, the underwriter has his foot on the brake, and the actuary is looking out the back window telling them where to go.

A casualty actuary priced an automobile "Fire and Theft" policy with an extremely low premium. When asked why it was so cheap, he said, "Who would steal a burnt car?"

An actuary is walking down the corridor when he feels a twinge in his chest. Immediately, he runs to the stairwell and hurls himself down. His friend, visiting him in the hospital, asks why he did that.

The actuary replies, "The chances of having a heart attack and falling down the stairs are much lower than the chances of having a heart attack only."

What's the difference between an insurance company actuary and a mafia actuary?

An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year, a mafia actuary can name them.

An actuary and a farmer were traveling by train. When they passed a flock of sheep in a meadow, the actuary said, "There are 1,248 sheep out there."
The farmer replied, "Amazing. By chance, I know the owner, and the figure is absolutely correct. How did you count them so quickly?"
The actuary answered, "Easy, I just counted the number of legs and divided by four."

How actuaries do it...

1. Actuaries do it without risk.

2. Actuaries do it with frequency and severity.

3. Actuaries do it until death or disability, whichever comes first.

How many actuaries does it take to change a light bulb?

"How many did it take last year?"

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